This Is A Blog.

This is what blogs were made for before they were blogs, they were those personal journal pages that people rarely read unless they were a close circle of friends. When other people looked at them they said " who wants to read your journal" (then they could add "dumbf&$k"-but they wouldn't outloud).

Music is on: it says this:

Oh why cant I be what you need a new improved version of me but i'm nothing so good no i'm nothing just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songsof violence of love and of sorrow i beg for just one more tomorrow where you hold me down fold me in deep deep deep in the heart of your sins I break in two over you I break in two And each piece of me dies And only you can give the breath of life But you dont see me, you dont...

I'm frickin ticked off but I don't know why really. It is a few things. Sometimes I feel trapped in this skin, but then when I think it I also think " what else is there?" God gave me this so enjoy it. sometimes this goes on in my head.

And the Music continues:

here i'm in between darkness and light bleached and blinded by these nights where im tossing and tortured til dawn by you, visions of you then youre gone the shock lifts the red from my face when i hear someone's taking my place how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel when all, all that i did was for you i break in two over you i break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life but you dont see me you dont..

It keeps going:

i break in two over you i break in two over you, over you i break in two i would break in two for you now you see me now you don't now you need me now you don't

So If you were to take a stab at what is going on , you might not think that I just got done praying and worshiping for nearly two hours with me and God. I started with "jesus lover of my soul" and ended with "jesus what's this f&$kin maze for?" I am kinda waiting for the answer, but in part I know it and in part it is a multi compounded question which is derived from trying to understand the definition of "this maze". It is surely more than life, far far far more.

And the music goes on:

Stalling meansToo fucking scared to create

I laugh outloud again when i look over and see the clock says 222. I know what this means maybe someone else does. I'm done...

It's not:

Helpless isn't the right word but it's the first that comes to mind,There's worse things than being unknown,