Midnight Shift Again

When I work the midnight shift I'll write free flowing thoughts. Whatever passes through my brain mostly.
Like i just laughed casue i looked at the clock again at 2:22.
Mainly what i am thinking now is how good the wanton soup i made monday is. I just warmed some up.

this is what I'll do. I will type somethigns from a book i am reading called "A Bright red scream".
from the book....

"i came to understand that rituals in whixch body tissue is altered or destroyed often serve the purpose of correcting or preventing conditions that thereaten the stability of a community."

"even jesus christ voluntarily allowed his body to be savaged in order to save humankind."

"now i'm trying to use my religion to get help, i get a lot of healing by going to the templebecasue it is probably the one place that i truly feel okay about myself."

"a portrait of jesus hanging in her living room, inscribed on the picture are the words ... i didnt promise it would be easy, i promised you it would be worth it."

"skin communicates. skin signals. skin tells a story."

"blood is the most symbolic of all body substances. blood, pumped through the body by a beating heart, is the essence of the life. The spilling oblood both gives life in birth and takes it away in death. bleeding has always signified healing...."

"it is like a secret code known only to those who speak its language, or those who take the time to listen carefully."

"even denial-to consciously know something but pretend it is not true- is not too great a distortion of reality if not taken to extremes."

"i'm back in my body and fully aware again, with a calmness and peace that makes me love the pain and find the blood beautiful. i am in control again."

"parents can directly alter a child's state of consciousness by respnding or failing to respond to their child's needs."

"cutting substitutes the pain inside with a physical pain that i can control, which is easier to handle. The pain is now real, tangible. it can be seen."

"self-mutilation provides concrete expression for he pain they feel inside- a language written on hte body, through blood, wounds, and scars."

"for most people, tears, not blood, are the language of the body."

"blood flowing from the wound proves there is life inside the body instead of nothingness."

"alcohol, drugs, sex, food, and self-mutilation are all used as mother substitutes to ward off the flooding of emotions and fill the gap in the soul."

"bleeding became for them real, tangible evidence that 'i do exist somewhere in the world."

"for a few moments it seemed as if the poison in my blood was leaving- calmly, submissively. i was in control. it felt like rain."

"it is concrete, irrefutable proof that one is alive."

"the blood told me i was alive, tha i could feel. i needed to see those bad feelings bleed away. also i couldnt cry, and bleeding was a different form of crying."

-thats how far i am so far. it is an intresting book.